11.03.09
And Now It’s Time for a Breakdown…
So I’m still struggling with staying true to this New Outlook. The realization came the other day that I just may need to take a T.O. (a big ole Time Out) and recharge the batteries. What clued me in? One night recently I stayed late to finish up a project at work, and my ancient company computer froze on me for the umpteenth time. I then handled the situation by sobbing – shoulders shaking, deep gulping breaths sobbing.
I was alone in the office, but still… Yikes.
Good thing I’m about to shake my tail feathers on over to the Philippines for a week long vacation/visit with a very dear friend. Hopefully a little travelin’ followed by a little “maxin’ and relaxin’ ” will help me get back on track.
And if not, I will at least be able to post some insanely gorgeous pictures of the insanely gorgeous beaches we will be frequenting.
Until then!
10.30.09
The Hostess with the Least-ess
So my out of town visitors have come and gone. We basked in the glorious sunshine. We laughed often and so deeply it actually hurt. We took in some of the tourist sights (you know, all the important ones including Gatorland, Sonic, Ron Jon’s and Disney). We ate some delicious food. And boy did we dance.
But the lingering question is how did I measure up as a hostess? Was I the genuine, caring, patient, relaxed gal I aspired to be?
I’d like to say I passed with flying colors, but that would be a bold-faced lie. Instead, I think saying, “I passed with average colors” would be more realistic.
For the most part, I think I handled my hosting duties pretty well… until halfway into the visit when I morphed into the dreaded SCM… the Stubborn Crank Monster. At one point the bf cast me a pointed look and whispered, “What happened to the Hostess with the Most-ess?”
Which brings me to a larger point. Lately, I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been sliding backward instead of moving forward with this New Outlook. When I first started, the improvements were tangible. Now I feel like I need to bust out the microscope if I want to see any gains – they’re just that small and insignificant.
So where’d all that positivity, compassion, and unconditional love go? And more importantly, how do I get it to stick around?
10.21.09
The Hostess with the Most-ess
This last Easter I spent a glorious weekend with one of my very best college buds. It was beyond wonderful to see her in the flesh. Our visit included serious amounts of catching up, seeing her world, her home, meeting her friends and boyfriend, doing some sightseeing, and eating delicious food… basically it was an all-around good ole’ time. The trip was exactly what the doctor ordered (and by doctor I mean me… exactly what I ordered for myself).
A large part of what made the trip so enjoyable was my friend was the PERFECT hostess. And I can’t stress this enough… P!E!R!F!E!C!T! This largely has to do with her personality (she’s a very caring, genuine, fun, and patient gal), and the way these traits seeped into her hosting duties made me never want to leave.
First, she put the emphasis on me. And in a world where we so often focus on others (family, friends, work, etc.) rather than ourselves, it was almost foreign (in a very pleasant way) to be asked, “What would you like to do?”
And it wasn’t in an indecisive, push-the-decision-making-onto-me kind of way. She genuinely wanted me to be happy and choose activities that I’d enjoy. To help make my decisions less overwhelming, she’d even typed up a list of different options (restaurants, night-life, parks, tourist sights) and let me tentatively choose:
“Ummm, can we go see the Civil Rights Museum?”
And most importantly, she always welcomed my choices: “Yes, perfect, let’s go.”
A hostess once or twice myself I think for the most part I do a pretty good job. I clean and cook and bake in anticipation of my guests’ arrival. I have fresh linens and possibly the most comfortable air mattress EVER. (Thanks to the dad and step-mom for that purchase!)
Buuuuut (there’s always a “but”) I’m not always so good at the accommodating bit.
Example:
“Can we go to Disney while I’m here?”
“Disney?! Ugh! But it’s so expensive! And I’ve been there a million times and it is NOT the happiest place on earth! Do you REALLY want to go there?”
See the difference?
I have some guests flying in this weekend and plan to adopt a more accepting, laid-back attitude – modeled after my friend’s hosting style.
More: “What do you guys want to do?” and “Perfect! Let’s do that then!”
Less: “Ugh… okaaaaay.”
Relaxing, fun-filled vacation with old friends, here I come!
10.16.09
Another Update: She’s in!
Well, thank you’s are in order today. A big heartfelt thanks to all of you who kept my friend, Laura, in your thoughts and prayers. Wonderful news (drum roll please…..) she was accepted into the clinical trial! She started all that biz this week, so now we need to focus our energies on the healing powers of the trial.
Go Pinktober!
10.08.09
Achieving that New Outlook: One Downward-Facing-Dog at a Time
So I’ve done did it folks. A couple months ago, I tried yoga for the first time. As I’ve mentioned previously part of my job requires me to support different workshops, which means I usually end up participating in the activities. If I have to be there anyway, why not, right?
Well, with our monthly yoga workshops, I always found work to finish up during that time, so I never participated. I was afraid of looking like a silly twisted pretzel mess in front of the students I advise.
But finally one month this summer, I found I had no work to busy myself with and couldn’t dismiss the instructor’s cajoling demands for my participation any longer. I showed up with my mat and sweats on, ready to go.
And between the concentrating and the twisting and the stretching and the steady breathing, I forgot my concerns and thoroughly enjoyed the class.
I’m sure I looked slightly ridiculous and off-balance at times (at many times), but eh – I no longer cared. I only cared about holding the proper stance and perfecting my downward-facing-dog. And as cliché as this may sound, as the session ended, I felt energized and refreshed. Ahhh.
After a couple more classes since that first experience, I am by no means an expert in yoga, but I am a firm proponent. I’ve found that not only does it leave me feeling refreshed and energized, but I actually feel calmer, happier. The way I used to feel when I played volleyball in high school or exercised on the elliptical machine in college.
It’s good to get the body movin’ – and for me, lately, yoga does the trick. I even make a little time in the morning to squeeze in a couple sequences (which I’m sure I’m doing all wrong, but that’s what the class is for, right?). And a happier me = a more loving and understanding me, so really everybody wins. It’s all about the mind, body, spirit connection, babyyyyyy. And when I practice yoga, I feel as if I’m one big ball of connectivity.
10.03.09
An Update to “Wanted: Your Positive Thoughts”
So a couple of weeks ago, I shared my friend Laura’s story with you all. I hope you found inspiration from it and were able to add her to your prayers or positive thoughts list.
Latest news is that Laura’s still not officially accepted into that new clinical trial, but she’s on their radar. She still has to have some tests done, etc. to see if she qualifies, so prayers and positive thoughts are still needed!
The reason for this update though is because Laura’s now famous!! At least in Central Florida. One of the local television stations (WFTV – ABC) is doing a series on breast cancer (October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, so get out those pink ribbons, people!) and guess who their very first story was on? You got! The one, the only: Laura!
Check out the video clip and be amazed at this woman’s strength and hope and courage – and maybe take a little of it with you in your daily lives.
Powerful stuff, huh? Cure for cancer, here we come!
10.01.09
The Wedding Extravaganza
Weddings amaze me.
First of all, I think I’m in the wrong line of business. Weddings now-a-days are a MONEY PIT. Dresses, venues, catering, tuxes, flowers, rings, shoes, party favors, photographers, transportation, music… And this is only just the beginning. Yow-to-the-Zah. Talk about breaking the bank.
The sheer financial commitment aside, weddings also amaze me on another level: They’re way fun!
Maybe I’ve lucked out and never encountered a bride-zilla, but from the weddings I’ve attended as a plain old guest to the weddings I’ve had a larger role in, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed them all. And when I look back, it’s because they’ve all been direct reflections of the lovely people who have gotten married – all of whom are close family and friends.
My brother and my sister-in-law’s wedding this weekend (I can say “sister-in-law” now!!!) was fantastic. It was totally them. The SIL (Sister-In-Law) looked radiant. The Bro was dashing. And I was fighting back tears the whole time.
The food was delicious (Anyone else have those stuffed mushrooms? Man alive were they tasty!), the decorations were simple yet tasteful, the best man’s speech was perfect – witty yet moving, and I was still fighting tears back the whole time.
Now the day wasn’t without its hiccups. An outdoor wedding on a day with pouring rain (don’t worry there was a back-up plan) was unfortunate. But no body stressed out. No body pouted. No body cried over it. And the ceremony by a fireplace on a fall day was beautiful and intimate.
And as we all danced the night away (As one of the cousins said, “You know it’s a good wedding when 50 Cent’s being played”), laughing and giggling, and genuinely having a wonderful time, I realized why.
Because we were celebrating love. Now don’t roll your eyes here, this is a serious thought. Family and friends all came together to celebrate a declaration and a vow of love between my Bro and my SIL – of course it would be a good time! Honestly, it made me realize that when two people truly love each other (especially two people as laid back and patient as the SIL and the Bro), the resulting party… errr wedding… will be nothing short of a fun and fantastic time.
Cheers to the happy couple for hosting a fabulous ceremony and reception… and for the reminder that “all you need is love” (and maybe the perfect cake) to have a good time.
09.21.09
You Never Really Know…
In one of my all-time favorite books, To Kill a Mockingbird, the narrator’s father (Atticus) tells her (Scout) after a particularly bad day at school:
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” (p. 30)
Amen to that! Seriously… words to live by. And I do try on a daily basis to consider situations and circumstances from other people’s perspectives. I admit that sometimes it’s incredibly difficult (especially when I’m right and they’re wrong!), but I try to keep an open-mind when dealing with other people (so in life in general).
Because, you just really never know… And just this morning I was again reminded of that…
As I’m preparing to head back to the town where I grew up for my little bro’s (ummm and by little I mean 24 – jeez when did that happen?!) wedding, I have been trapped between utter happiness and a gnawing sadness. Happiness – because my brother has found the perfect soul mate and sadness – because our mom won’t be there on this oh-so special day.
So lately my moods have been fluctuating between an excited giddiness and a nostalgic melancholy. (It’s been a delight for the bf I’m sure!) And of course, I was harboring the “whoa-is-me, I’m-alone-in- my-sadness” self pity (which I KNOW is ridiculous because there’s my brother – and it’s HIS wedding – my dad, and our entire family, but that’s how my mind works…).
And then this morning I received an email from a woman I’ve been corresponding with for the last year or so. She’s an extremely kind, helpful, patient lady who has been assisting me with the scholarship in honor of my mom. I had recently sent her an email asking for a progress update and in it mentioned being back for my brother’s wedding in case there was anything I needed to do in person.
Well, besides the “we’re all good” response, she also (indirectly) offered me an unexpected reminder about Atticus’s wise words to Scout. Enjoy the wedding she wrote and continued on saying she knew it would be bittersweet for all of us, but that our mom would be there with us, right by our sides. And then this wonderful lady shared with me her own, very heartbreaking loss, that an anniversary relating to that loss was approaching this week, and how she and her family survive through the pain. “Thinking of you,” she closed the brief, yet powerful email.
“You’re thinking of me?” I instantly thought, brushing away the tears sliding down my face. Here is this woman, who despite her own pain and heartache, is thinking of me. My self-indulgent feelings were instantly (and guiltily) washed away by her generous compassion and understanding.
It’s really true, today’s email reminded me. We never really know where that much-needed compassion and perspective will come from, so we should all try and remember to walk through our worlds with an open-mind and an accepting heart.
Amen to that!
(Lee, Harper. To Kill A Mockingbird. New York: Warner Books, 1982.)
09.15.09
Wanted: Your Positive Thoughts!
Some people call it praying. Some people call it sending out the good vibes or the positive thoughts. Personally, I do the whole meditation/good vibes “thang”. Usually my meditations turn into a good vibe fest, where I try to channel all my thoughts and all my energies into creating positive change or goodness for my loved ones.
And now – whatever your beliefs – I need your help. While offering up your own meditations or prayers, I need you to add a friend of mine into the mix. I mentioned her in an earlier post – she’s the super funny, very talented, extremely kind and generous co-worker of mine. She also happens to be one of the toughest, feistiest, bravest, and most courageous people I know.
Her name’s Laura and she’s fighting the fight against stage IV breast cancer. Her cancer-kicking, take-no-prisoners, I-got-this-in-the-bag attitude towards this whole mind-numbing, insanely unfair and exhausting process is extremely inspirational. (You can learn more about it at her blog: Cancercopia.)
Over the past couple of months, Laura has gotten some great news (she had some spots in her brain that have cleared up!), but pretty recently got some disappointing news (some spots on her liver have gotten bigger).
But this is why Laura is so amazing and is such an inspiration to me: Instead of focusing on the disappointing news, she’s focusing on the positive and most importantly, she never gives up. She found out about a new clinical trial and is hoping to be accepted.
So I need all of my loyal readers (aka my friends and family) to keep her in your hearts, in your thoughts, in your prayers, in your meditations. Laura has an amazing and immense network supporting her right now, but I figured why not add a little bit more into the mix?
My support team also rocks and that includes Ms. Laura, so obviously it seemed like a perfect fit! Sending lots of love and thanks (and good vibes) to you all!!!
09.11.09
Remembering…
September eleventh - A monumental, pivotal day in our nation’s history. But for the thousands of people who lost loved ones, today’s date isn’t just another entry in the school textbooks. It signifies loss, pain, and heartache. It marks the day their lives were irrevocably changed forever. It’s personal.
The significance of this day is daunting and slightly overwhelming. As a writer, what do I say? What perspective could I possibly provide that hasn’t already been done, that would still be meaningful. I debated with myself… Do I post? Do I not post? Do I post? Do I not post?
And then in an attempt to postpone making a decision I decided to clean out my inbox clutter and came across an old email from my mom – one she sent me during my freshmen year of college. Dated Wed. 11 Sep 2002, in it my mom shares the latest updates on my brother’s high school volleyball team and offers advice about one of my first college papers (“Did you have someone proof read it? I hope there’s not too many wherefore’s, etc.!”). She ends the email with the following:
“I’m feeling mixed about today’s anniversary. I want to stay home and watch TV but know I can’t. Glad we have a service at church tonight. I’m doing a reading for it and after the reading, we’re lighting candles. Love Mom”
So there it is. Mixed in with daily life – high school volleyball and college papers – she takes time to pause and acknowledge the importance, the seriousness of the September 11th anniversary. And thus ended my own internal debate – Yes, I post.
President Obama called on Americans to mark today’s anniversary with volunteerism. Fitting, I think. But for some of us, volunteering today isn’t possible… hectic schedules, time constraints, deadlines. But it is important… important to remember and pay homage to those innocent victims who merely went to work or got on a plane eight years ago. To the thousands of other victims who have since lost their lives in the subsequent wars we continue to wage.
So I post and I remember. And I offer up a (wish, a thought, a prayer) to (the universe, to the powers that be, to a god – any god): May we as a world find love and compassion… understanding and acceptance… and above all…peace.
